Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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