you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
