I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
