Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We have started to decorate penises.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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