He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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