they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
