don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
