We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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