I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We got so high we made milksteak
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
