it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
