Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
