she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
