Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
