If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
