well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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