he was CRYING into my vagina
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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