Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
