Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
