just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
