I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
