corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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