you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
