I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
