he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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