Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
