I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
