Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
