I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
