Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
