my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
