all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
