I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
