Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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