i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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