Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
