Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
