dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
