i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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