you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
