She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
