dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
