they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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