hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
