We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
His nipple licking is glorious
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