im having a threesome with these popsicles
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
