not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
