he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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