Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
