i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
only you would photoshop your dick
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
