need another drink. this is the easiest way
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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