I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
