Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
