if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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