I hate your face
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
